Jolenesbedroom Solo Girl Independent Operator Phonesex Blog

Blogs! I have noticed, as I have skimmed over the web now and then, that most of the phonesex blogs out there either aren’t really blogs at all but glorified advertisements or they are seriously out of date, some by years! I mean, a blog that the last post was two years ago causes me to wonder if the woman posting the blog is no longer in business… why keep a blog if you are not going to post anything in it EVER?? I realize that we all get busy and time is of the essence but to keep a blog up on the internet that you have no intention of ever writing in again, seems to me, a bit ridiculous and lame. My question, I guess is… Why? Not just why… but why bother?

I take pride in my blog and the fact that I have many entries that are past, present and completely up to date! It is worrisome that there are so many badly, outdated blogs out there because if someone is constantly running in to those blogs mine could get missed and that would just be wrong. I am not really trying to toot my own horn but I have an excellent up to date blog. I believe that other phonesex operators should take a peek at their own blogs and ask themselves if I was looking for a phonesex blog, would I really stop and read mine? Is mine up to date? Is it interesting? Would I bother reading more after reading the first outdated entry?

There is another thing I would really like an answer to… Why have a blog if you do NOT accept comments? Is that not what blogs are there for? I write a blog in hopes that someone reads it and then makes a comment on it… I thought that is what I am writing them for… I mean how do you know if anyone is reading your blog if you don’t allow comments? To me that just seems pointless. I know a lot of dumb spam stuff gets posted on mine but I just delete it and move on. I do get interesting comments now and then. I wish I would get more actually… that is why I do not understand blogs that get posted that don’t allow comments… It is just a curious thing… I guess! Oh and Please leave a comment if you have an opinion on this subject… or if you just appreciate my up to date blog…

1. You have to keep pumping if you want to get anywhere.

2. It’s best to wear protective head-gear when going into unfamiliar territory.

3. You can do it with no hands, but it’s best not to try it until you have a lot of experience.

4. It’s easier to learn with the help of someone who has a lot of experience.

5. You can do it by yourself, but it’s usually not as much fun.

6. It’s usually hard to control your speed the first few times you try.

7. It’s best to have a soft place to land.

8. You don’t need any special clothing, but you can get some if you are really into it.

9. If you’re with someone who is having trouble keeping up, it’s usually best to slow down and wait for them.

10. Most people think it looks easy until they try it for the first time.

11. Once you learn, you never forget how.

12. If you fall off get right back on.

13. If you get a flat, try pumping it back up.

14. Remember to signal before you change direction.

15. Make sure that you’ve got a firm grip.

16. Sometimes it’s nice to have a cushy seat.

17. Once you’re over the top, you can just coast the rest of the way.

18. That’s why some of them are called Mountin’ Bikes.

Jolene’s Phonesex Manifesto
Introduction
I hope that after reading my manifesto, you, my readers, will seek out more information about what I do, creating a growing awareness of and need for my service.

In addition, my manifesto can be used as a starting point for understanding the need for services like mine. Some readers will undoubtedly critique it while others defend it.

As a revolutionary statement, a manifesto can be a powerful and daring document. People reading my manifesto may be forced to question their own philosophies, the lives that they live, the meaning of art. This introspective interaction with my manifesto will hopefully drive you, the reader to pass it on to someone else, causing my audience to grow.

I wish to use my manifesto as a communication tool to spark questions about the fact that phonesex is actually a form of art. My manifesto will include political aspects of my art, as well as the emotional and physical aspects. I wish to outline my goals and ethics of my company.

In the realm of a fantasy artist, a public declaration or exposition needs to be put forth. The knowledge of fantasy art (phonesex) requires clarification. My manifesto will optimistically serve to reveal my motivations and stimulate appreciation for the fantasy arts.

A person’s life stance is the relation with what they accept as being important, the theory of this, and the commitment and practice of working it out in living day to day.

“Life stance” is an expression that is gaining acceptance worldwide, to describe what is good in both Humanism and religion – without being encumbered by what is bad in religion.

A suggested definition of life stance is an interlinked, articulated system of beliefs about life, human nature and our existence connected to norms and values.

The term was intended to be a shared label encompassing both religions and alternatives to religion, without discrimination in favor.

A life stance differs from a worldview or a belief system, in that the term “life stance” emphasizes a focus on what is of ultimate importance. My life stance is of course naturalistic.

The idea of being told what to do and how to act when it comes our own bodies is unrealistic. I disagree with most religions and their beliefs of self denial and the ignorance that comes with it.

Self denial is a poison to our senses, in the thought that with total self denial an erroneous explosion of emotions can result. That in which unhealthy desires can erupt with deluded actions of force and manipulation. This results in sexually based crimes being committed by men with unresolved self neglect issues.

My life stance will be explained better in the confines of my manifesto but to give a brief interpretation before I present the body of my manifesto, my life stance is use your imagination to fulfill your needs. This is the foundation of my beliefs.

At times our imaginations require assistance of some sort to maintain a level of self satisfaction that we as humans need to function. The moment of this declaration is when my service becomes a recognizable need.

Here’s a short post for anyone wanting to improve traffic to their blog. Use feedshark service at www.feedshark.brainbliss.com/ where you simply put in your information about your own blog and then they ping over 60 sindication feeds for free by giving you a url to place into your blog. Like this next link Ping my blog I hope that makes sense to anyone reading this.

There are so many things that I find fascinating about phone sex. I do suppose that may be one of reasons that I enjoy phone sex so much. I believe anything that holds one’s interest is always a worthwhile endeavor. If it didn’t hold my interest I would find it difficult to do.

This past weekend I spent some time reading a few phonesex blogs that are out there on the net and it disappointed me that there are so many women working in this field that are so practically clueless as to what phonesex is all about. I believe that women who bad mouth their clients in their blogs should just quit because it is phone sex operators like that, who give this business a bad name.

I appreciate my clients and I actually care about them… Alright… I know what you are thinking… but I do. They are important to me. First of all the women who say rotten things about how gross or perverted the men are forget just how perverted they themselves can be and if they aren’t then they should go clean a church or something… seems how they think they are so much better than their clients. I find it detestable that they stay in this business… lying to their clients. I believe that they forget who butters their bread… or at least which side it is buttered on.

How they can sit so piously in front of their keyboards and say that the men they talk to are perverts and that they don’t like talking to them is a paradox. Why do they do it then? All they do is, take away from this business… They give nothing back but negative attitude… taking money under the false pretense that they are enjoying themselves. I feel that they are just taking away from women like me who enjoy delving in to the dark, deviant world of KINKY phonesex!

If they are so uncomfortable doing it… then why do they do it… altogether? They are so lame. I hope that the men that these women are taking money from know that they are dealing with fakes and frauds. If they don’t know this then they definitely need to read the blogs of the PSO that they deal with because fakes ruin this business. If you find yourself thinking that the operator that you are talking to is a fake… then chances are… She is and she is just taking your money and you need to look for the real thing! The real thing is out there! I am living proof… so if you are in search of a phonesex operator who is for real then look no further… You have found her!

I am not bad mouthing other operators to gain a false position of being better. I am not bad mouthing them at all… they post their blogs for all the world to see. I am just pointing out the holes in their stories. My position of being better is hardly false. If you have called me and enjoy my company then you already know I am as real as you… and if you haven’t called me yet then you don’t know what you are missing out on and you should find out.

I need to say though don’t just take my word for it… Check out the phone sex blogs out there, test the waters and after you are done sorting through the plastic phonesex operators… Call me for premier treatment! I am one of the true lovers of phone sex… it is my life, my world, my true pleasure!

calories Burned During Sex

The Act of Insertion

If the man is ready (same vice-versa) 1/4 calories
If the woman is not (same vice-versa) 274 calories
Satisfying Partner (organ size)

Most experts agree that size means nothing. Shape is what counts, and the man with a shaped organ can write his own ticket. In those rare instances where a man has a genuinely small member, he may have to compensate by working slightly harder, but this is good for weight loss. A man with a really large organ, while he might not have to work as hard once inside, may exhaust himself just trying to convince his partner to let him put it inside.

Normal size 22 calories
Oversize 15 calories
Tremendous 8 calories
Teensy-weensy 163 calories
Positions

Man on top, woman on bottom (facing each other) 20 calories
Woman on top, man on bottom
(Many women find that in addition to its inherent sexual possibilities, this position affords a better view of the clock.) 25 calories
From the rear (Mysterious variation) 40 1/2 calories
Standing: Both partners of equal height 18 calories
Standing: Woman 1 foot taller than a man 90 calories
While in traction
(very useful during ski season) 124 calories
Locations

On a bar stool 20 calories
Rear of a Honda Civic 38 calories
In a phone booth, standing 14 calories
In a phone booth, lying down 274 calories
On an airliner, aisle seat 24 calories
On an airliner, middle seat 42 calories
On an airliner, window seat 30 calories
On an airliner, in the lavatory 100 calories
Possible Side Effects of Intercourse

Bouncing 7 calories
Sliding around 9 calories
Serious Skidding 12 calories
Full cartwheel 20 calories
Whiplash 27 calories
Knee burn 6 calories
Chafed elbows 5 calories
Chafed nose 11 calories
Sex Related Noises

Short gasps (per gasp) 3 calories
Wheezing 5 calories
Squeals 4 calories
Ecstatic moaning 11 calories
Low growling 8 calories
Squishing 10 calories
Shouting 16 calories
Screaming 18 calories
Urgent begging 22 calories
Any short speech giving partner directions
(“Please don’t stop,” “Faster,” “Just a little more” are common examples.) 25 calories
Approaching Orgasm

Letting go 5.5 calories
Controlling yourself 79 calories
Digging nails into your partner’s back 11 calories
Trembling 15 calories
Shaking 20 calories
Shuddering 25 calories
Trying to keep eyes open 33 calories
Orgasm

Real 27 calories
Faked 160 calories
Orgasmic Intensity Scale

Expression didn’t change 1/2 calorie
Face turned purple 15 calories
Orchestra swelled 6 calories
Magical explosions 10 calories
Blazing Sheets 25 calories
Earth moved 30 calories
Vesuvius erupted 47 calories
You began moaning in Latin 60 calories
Pulling Out

After orgasm 1/4 calorie
A few moments before orgasm 500 calories
Multiple Orgasms

For women:
2 14 calories
5 30 calories
8 47 calories
(Depending on greed her rate of recovery a woman can enjoy around 8 orgasms within an hour period without losing consciousness or disarranging her hair. As the number increases, however, she may begin to experience a form of “reduced sanity” that will temporarily interfere with her ability to cook, worship ,and ride a Moped.)
For Men:
2 21 calories
3 39 calories
4 57 calories
(For a man, its a different situation, perhaps due to physiological and biological reasons. Many men can enjoy up to 4 orgasms in an hour with little discomfort except for the slight ringing in the ears. With few exceptions, however, a man who tries to achieve more than 10 orgasms within that same period is flirting with irreversible brain damage.)
Special Orgasms

Clitoral. 15 calories
Vaginal 21 calories
Penile 21 calories
Scrotile 15 calories
Rectal 25 calories
Oral
(can also occur during an especially good meal) 30 calories
Premature Ejaculation*

During insertion 2 calories
During intercourse
(Approximately. 2 sec’s or 3 thrusts after insertion, whichever comes first.) 5 calories
During foreplay 3 calories
Immature ejaculation
(Similar to premature ejaculation except male acts childish and throws a tantrum.) 4 calories
Consequences of Premature Ejaculation

Even if you have a good heart, it takes much understanding not to feel like a victim when your partner climaxes after 3 sec’s of intensive sex, especially if he immediately sits up to watch the football on tv.

For Women
Frustration 8 calories
Anger 15 calories
Violent mood swing 20 calories
Surpressing rage 25 calories
Not surpressing anger
(In extreme cases, this can include cursing, nose tweaks, and gently massaging partner’s head with a tire iron.) 65 calories
For Men:
Cursing 10 calories
Apologising 3 calories
Snivelling 5 calories
Pleading for mercy 8 calories
Begging for another chance
(Note how unfair: Men never seem to mind if a woman has an orgasm after 3 seconds of sex.) 15 calories
Possible Side Effects of Good Sex

The first indication that sex was a positive experience will be a buzzing in the pelvic area and a clear complexion. You might also feel pleasantly light, as though you were dozing in a vat of cream cheese. If sex was really terrific, you feel dangerously drained, as though your body had been connected to a large milking machine for several days. Additional reactions include:

Swooning 6 calories
Palpitations 10 calories
Shortness of breath 5 calories
Perspiring 8 calories
Possible Side Effects of Bad Sex

A less-than-sunny desposition 1 calorie
Recovering

Un-entwining 3 calories
Regaining motor control of pevis
(After especially tiring sex, you may feel numb from below the waist to the opposite wall. The result will be an inability to walk [put one foot in front of the other], which will seriously impair your chances of going to the bathroom or getting some juice.) 7 calories
Standing up 9 calories
Getting some juice 11 calories
Rolling Over and Going to Sleep

After intercourse
(Classic behavior for shiftiness men who believe they’ve done their job and are now entilted to a rest. This “rest” may include snoring.) 18 calories
During intercourse
(Women find this to be a subtle, yet direct way of suggesting dissatisfaction.) 32 calories
During foreplay
(Indicates either an advance case of fatigue or a serious lack of interest.) 12 calories
Avoiding the wet spot 80 calories
Trying Again

If the woman is ready 5 calories
If the man is not 156 calories
Dreaming

Regular dream 2 calories
Wet Dream
Add 5 calories if it occurs while in bed with your partner;
Add 20 calories if your partner notices 16 calories
Wet Trance
(Usually occurs in the presence of a sensual hypnotist.) 20 calories
Group Sex

Introducing yourself 3 calories
Overcoming shyness 8 calories
Swapping partners, willingly 4 calories
Swapping partners, unwillingly 62 calories
Jealousy
(Partner having more fun than you are) 16 calories
Mixed doubles 26 calories
Being nice to everyone 100 calories
Anger
(You suddenly realize that you’re wanted for you body and not your mind. Difficult to cope with, especially if you have a Ph.D.) 10 calories
Finding your clothes 5 calories
Masturbation

For pleasure only 6 calories
For exercise, too 10 calories
For relief from tension 12 calories
To pass the time 7 calories
To avoid overeating 16 calories
To get in touch with inner self 10 calories
To get in touch with outter self 10.5 calories
To avoid insanity 24 calories
To avoid spending money on a date
(In addition to being a viable alternative to television, shopping, and binges, masturbation is a quick and inexpensive way to get warm.) 9 calories
Using your hand(s) 11 calories
Using your finger(s) 9 calories
Using tweezers 2 calories
Using an inflatable doll 24 calories
Using Any fruit or vegetable
(Except watermelon or a sprig of parsley) 19 calories
Using a vibrator, hand-operated 12 calories
Using a vibrator, windup 9 calories
Using a vibrator, electric 5 calories
Using anything not mentioned here 50 calories
In a pornographic movie theater – purchasing the ticket 2.5 calories
In a pornographic movie theater – finding isolated seat 78 calories
In a pornographic movie theater – adjusting raincoat 3 calories
Typical Sex-Related Fears

Partner hates me for what I did 4 calories
Partner hates me for what I didn’t do 8 calories
Forgetting the instructions in the sex manual 10 calories
Climaxing too soon 5 calories
Climaxing too late 6 calories
Not climaxing 20 calories
Partner thinks of me as a sex object 9 calories
Partner doesn’t think of me as a sex object 47 calories
Partner will neglect to adminster last rites should I not recover from orgasm 88 calories
Personal Fears

Gigantic cellulite that shake and ripple during orgasm 6 calories
Stretch marks that look like a plowed field 8 calories
Penis envy 72 calories
Body odor of a disgruntled yak 25 calories
Getting Caught

By partner’s spouse 60 calories
By your spouse 60.5 calories
Trying to explain 165 calories
Stuttering 28 calories
Throwing up
(Calorie counts here are flexible, depending on type of spouse-whether understanding and open-minded, or narrow-minded and armed) 40 calories
Almost Getting Caught

Trying to remain calm 100 calories
Fright (includes trembling) 66 calories
Leaping out of bed 25 calories
Getting dressed in one large motion 300 calories
Thanking partner quickly 2 calories
Jumping out of window
add 5 calories if window wasn’t open 15 calories
Landing 1 calorie
Running very fast 50 calories

A doctor had the reputation of helping couples increase the joy in their sex life, but always promised not to take a case if he felt he could not help them. The Browns came to see the doctor, and he gave them thorough physical exams, psychological exams, and various tests and then concluded, “Yes, I am happy to say that I believe I can help you.”

“On your way home from my office stop at the grocery store and buy some grapes and some doughnuts. Go home, take off your clothes, and you, sir, roll the grapes across the floor until you make a bulls eye in your wife’s love canal. Then on hands and knees you must crawl to her like a leopard and retrieve the grape using only your tongue.

“Then next, ma’am, you must take the doughnuts and from across the room, toss them at your husband until you make a ringer around his love pole. Then like a lioness, you must crawl to him and consume the doughnut.” The couple went home and their sex life became more and more wonderful.

They told their friends, Mr. & Mrs. Green that they should see the good doctor. The doctor greeted the Greens and said he would not take the case unless he felt that he could help them; so he conducted the physical exams and the same battery of tests.

Then he told the Greens the bad news. “I cannot help you, so I will not take your money. I believe your sex life is as good as it will ever be, I cannot help.”

The Greens pleaded with him, and said, “You helped our friends the Browns, now please, please, help us.”

“Well, all right”, the doctor said. “On your way home from the office, stop at the grocery store and buy some apples and a box of cheerios… “

I was a little surprised, okay, a lot surprised to even see anyone here. It looked quite abandoned and then I wondered how long he’d been watching me, the whole time? I didn’t hear any vehicles, so he must’ve been here a while. He saw the fear in my eyes as I stood before him naked. He loosened his grip on my arm realizing where was I going to go? I couldn’t possibly run. He looked me up and down and smiled. I made a futile attempt to cover-up, as if he didn’t already see everything. I told him I was sorry for trespassing, I didn’t know anyone was here I didn’t even know anyone lived here. He told me that he didn’t live here this is just where he went hunting and he was scoping it out for the fall when he spotted this sexy doe walking around his property.

He wasn’t bad looking himself. It kind of excited me knowing I was standing in front of him naked and he was fully dressed. That for some reason always turned me on, I really don’t know why but it does. You do know, he spoke nearly under his breath, I do punish trespassers. My heart started to pound, I had no idea what he had in store for me. He told me to turn around as he shut my door to my vehicle, so I did. I did what he said because I knew I was in the wrong for trespassing on his property. He told me to bend over and stick out that sexy ass. I could hear the jingle of his belt, little did he know that I enjoyed spankings. I wasn’t going to tell him that though, I’m sure he’d find that out soon enough.

I leaned forward just as he had asked. I suddenly felt the crack of his belt across my ass, over and over and over again and again until I was near tears. I was begging him to stop. He reached his hand up in between my legs and noticed that I was enjoying this ass whipping! He spread my ankles apart with his boots and unzipped his jeans. Oh, I knew what was coming, next, at least I knew he was going to enter somewhere. He pushed me over to the front of my car and stuffed his cock up inside my hot, wet, slippery hole, lifting me right off the ground. He hammered my pussy. He grabbed my tits and clamped down, hard on my nipples with his rough fingers. Fucking me hard! Lifting me off the ground with every thrust . When he was about to cum, he yanked his cock out of me and in one swift movement turning me, making me kneel down in front of him as he jammed his cock down my throat. I could taste my wettness and I could feel his sticky goo sliding down my throat. At that moment he ordered me to lick his balls off and clean him all up… trespassers get what I want to give out. He could have shot me if he wanted to. But instead he just shot his load down my throat. He zipped his pants back up but curiously did not put his belt back on. He told me to get down on my hands and knees so I did. He took his belt and began to whip my already pink ass until it was red and sore and I did have tears. I guess he wanted to make sure I didn’t enjoy it this time.

As I knelt on my hands and knees, sobbing, telling him I would never do it again, he suddenly, stopped. I heard footsteps walking away and then whistling. Hmmmmm… I thought to myself, how interesting. I got my walk in the woods, I got spanked, fucked and spanked again. I put my shirt on and my shorts left my bra and underwear off my nipples and ass were too sore. I slid into my car cringing at the pain of the seat sliding across my ass. I started my car and headed home, just as I turned onto the main road, I looked back and I saw him grinning at me as he finished buckling his belt, then he turned and walked away and I drove down the mountain highway.

That’s a little walk in the woods I won’t forget anytime soon. It won’t stop me, though, from taking walks in the woods naked. After all I love spankings and getting fucked even to tears. I sometimes wonder, about myself sometimes… Maybe I am just too kinky for my own good… Maybe!

I laughed so hard when I heard this joke thought you might like it too!

Mr. Bear and Mr. Rabbit didn’t like each other very much and one day, whilst they were walking through the woods they came across a golden frog. The frog turned to them and said: “Ooh, I don’t often meet anyone in these parts.” They were amazed that the frog had talked to them.

The golden frog admitted: “Mind you, when I do meet someone I always give them six wishes. You can have three wishes each in this case.

Mr. Bear immediately wished that all the other bears in the forest were females. The frog granted his wish.

Mr. Rabbit, after thinking for a while, wished for a crash helmet. One appeared immediately, and he placed it on his head.

Mr. Bear was amazed at Mr. Rabbit’s wish, but carried on with his second wish. He wished that all the bears in the neighboring forests were females as well, and the frog granted his wish.

Mr. Rabbit then wished for a motorcycle. It appeared before him, and he climbed on board and started revving the engine.

Mr. Bear could not believe it and complained that Mr. Rabbit had wasted two wishes that he could have had for himself. Shaking his head, Mr. Bear made his final wish, that all the other bears in the world were females as well, leaving him as the only male bear in the world.

The frog replied that it had been done, and they both turned to Mr. Rabbit for his last wish.

Mr. Rabbit revved the engine, thought for a second, then said: “I wish that Mr. Bear was gay!” and rode off as fast as he could!

Obviously I am feeling better so please let the calls resume…I hate getting colds! Don’t you?

A tomato, a piece of gum, and a penis are all talking.

The tomato says “I’ve got the worst live, I get cut up and stuck in a sandwhich”.

The piece of gum says “No, mine’s worse, I get chewed up, spit out and stepped on”.

The penis says “No, by far I’ve got the worst life… I get a plastic bag stuck over my head, then I’m shoved in a dark tunnel and made to do push ups ’till I throw up!”